So, first, the bad news - this is obviously a number of hours late and you can blame my never-shifting hangover today for that change in schedule. The good news? Well, I still feel like shit but am also completely aware of my obligations here so you'll be getting succinct. concise trojan posting here so I can get back to lying still and remembering to breathe.
I am cutting Tahnee for a couple of reasons - the first being pretty superficial. Tahnee annoyed the goddamn fuck out of me with her "daddy's little girl"/private school girl vibes and irritating as heck baby-talk voice for the entire cycle. Like, the moment she came on the screen the first time I was like "oh holy fuck she is skin crawlingly sweet and pure and chaste and virginal". Then I vomited violently all over my living room floor at least once every week for the next 12 weeks as this girl floated through the damn competition as everyone praised her for being "oh, so professional" when it was like, ugh, who cares?
Also - she was 17 at the time of the competition, a year older than runner-up Cassi, but always photos like she is, what, 14? I mean, even here, in some post-AusNTM lingerie shoot you tell me you don't feel the feds creeping slowly up behind you ready to toss your pedo-bear ass in a cell just for having this image up on the screen?
Wait, wait, let's vamp it up a little more and surely
that will make a difference, right?
So - no, no, no, no, no. I am NOT behind the producers sending a goddamn toddler to represent Australia in the fashion industry. In fact, this segues into reason number 2 for my cutting of Tahnee, which is: HER WIN WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT MANIPULATION FROM AUSNTM PRODUCERS.
Here's what I believe the true circumstances around Tahnee's win to be. Cycle 5 had been the story of the transformation of Cassi from Boganista Princess to true International star - the heir apparent to the throne of the One True Alice Berdeu. The cycle had been shot, was in the can and broadcast - we were on our way to the finale where Cassi would be crowned winner and would take off to start her new life and career. However, production caught wind of comments Cassi made comments in the media about potentially throwing in the towel in the modelling industry and choosing to settle down to a quiet life in Sunbury, VIC with her then fiancee at 17 and they FREAKED the fuck out. Demelza had won the cycle previous and production knew that an irrelevant winner directly following an unpopular winner could potentially bury the entire franchise. They needed their sunshine, lollipops and warm hearts winner if Cassi wasn't going to play according to script but they also knew that getting the votes to line up their way would be very difficult. The industry heavyweights who formed half of the "judges panel" who would all cast a vote for the girl they wanted to win (who was made up of the former fashion director of Harper''s Bazaar who would go on to judge Project Runway Australia, a celebrity beauty photographer and the
woman who was the head of the modelling agency who would sign the winner) were all voting for Cassi to win and there wasn't much production could do to sway them, Sarah Murdoch, as executive producer, followed her script and voted for Tahnee while delivering the most overwrought and overproduced speech in history. Jonathan Pease, like a good little boy, did what he was told to do as well and voted for Tahnee despite the fact that he clearly should know better as a director of style and gone for the more editorial model but hey, you do what you need to when it comes to getting those cheques cashed.
So, that makes it 3 - 2 in favour of Cassi with Alex Perry and Charlotte to count. Oh wait - Charlotte was a massively vocal and staunch public advocate for Cassi, not only on the show itself as a member of the panel, but also in media interviews and talk show appearances she has spoken about nothing other than how into Cassi she is so surely she casts her vote for that girl now right? Wrong - in the move that totally exposes the whole ordeal, Charlotte votes for Tahnee while the crowd gasps audibly and delivers the exact rhetoric she had been fed by production about Cassi choosing love over modelling while Sarah Murdoch repeatedly says "Wow... oh wow" over and over again in the most ridiculously fake way.
But then Alex Perry shows a rare case of exceptional taste and votes for Cassi anyway
. Surely that makes the vote 4 - 3 and Cassi is Australia's Next Top Model, right?? Oh - we forgot to count Australia's vote cos apparently that's a thing for the first time this cycle. Apparently as well Australia's vote gets "added" to the judges vote or something but I still don't understand what the hell happened next to this day because Australia votes for Tahnee to win which somehow means, despite being a vote behind, Tahnee is Australia's Next Top Model and IDGI. How many votes did Australia get to cast? If we had multiple votes did they all need to go on the same girl or were the judge's votes just counted as an extra SMS vote to 1800 - AUSNTM CASSI or whatever and didn't really mean squat except for a $0.99 savings for not having to actually SMS their vote in? I still don't understand how Cassi could get the majority of judge's votes only to have everything overturned by a populist SMS vote or whatever but cool, fine. Cassi would go on to be the most successful AusNTM contestant NOT named Alice Berdeu and a fabulous single-mum to boot and NOT the housewife production feared she would end up while, ironically, the winner of this cycle would, most recently, be photographed styled like this
Numbers Chosen:
Numbers Eliminated:
Numbers Saved:
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Ok, my head is still a bit achy so I'mma leave you kids so the first person to post TWO numbers QUIETLY PLEASE will name the next two girls for PDC to QUIETLY choose from while I get some more sleep...