trojan & PDC's AusNTM Rankdown! (#22 REVEALED! NOMS OPEN!)

[PDC]

First of all, Trojan - go fuck yourself. Thank you very much. If I hadn't googled that bitch I wouldn't have felt compelled to cut this gorgeous woman I have put before you here. I just am not even going to talk about Joanna because I just can't right now, my grief is too much.

Simone is a literal Goddess. She was the perfect hot-as-fuck catty bitch of Cycle 7, being the voice of reason, and the giver of LIIIFFEEE in her burning confessionals. Also, she didn't like Rachel, I mean she is just a perfect embodiment of a human being. To make it even more complicated, Simone is one of those girls for me that would make me question my placement on the Kinsey scale. You know you're straight (or gay or whatever) and then all of a sudden there is a select few human beings of the gender you don't normally go for that you just KNOW you would jump at if the opportunity ever arose. One of those I have made known is the undeniably hot Olivia Munn. Another one of these women for me is Simone Holtznagel.



I don't normally look at women and think about that sort of thing - I go "wow she's hot, I like her legs, I should focus more on my running" or "that fucking bitch I could never have x like that" (I am a woman...obv). But damn - that above image is the type that would make me look around like "is this okay? Is anyone seeing me look up chicks on the internet?? " I don't know why I'm a bit crazy for her I guess.

So.... to get me back on track here.

Simone was almost cut in episode 1 of the show - CRAZY, I know! How did this piece of perfection almost get cut!? Well, she didn't do that great on the Paris trip the Top 20 took, and barely scraped by into the Top 16. But then she started owning it. Winning challenges, dominating photoshoots - but she's not totally perfect and that's the reason she's being cut :( Simone has this god-given ability to just produce perfection in a simple shot.




But the problem is... often her best shot isn't that fabulous - it's enough to get her through, but does it set you on fire?




And this is why she's being cut and Joanna isn't. Joanna wasn't a fierce, fabulous goddess by any means but her shots are often more striking and her post-show career is something pretty great. I went into this cut thinking "lol bye Joanna" and now I am legitimately devastated because I am sooooooo in lust with Simone but can't keep her when she's up against that.

So once again, Trojan:


There was a couple of times Simone proved how amazing she was, and that includes the time she pissed off Neo over house chores, and the time she had to share a tent with Rachel on a glamping trip and was totally not fucking impressed at all:

Start at 18:45, you are WELCOME


I do love me some catty bitches, and Simone really has it down to a 'T'. Absolute perfection. The only downside of her appearance on the show was the time she didn't shave her armpits and it was the ~Fatima Moment~ of AusNTM. If you don't know what that is - eww, go away filthy casual. Educate yourself. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3DOp_eMiK0)

Anyway, here's more examples of Simone perfection and why she will always be a TOP BITCH in my eyes (and fantasies )







Numbers Chosen:


Numbers Eliminated:


Numbers Saved:
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Now I am going to go hyperventilate and cry in a corner. Someone give Trojan TWO new bitches.

[Tracy]

1, 2

[PDC]

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[trojansoldier]

Ummmm, you're allowed to keep the girl you like more - you do realise that right?? That's part of the fun. You can cut the stronger model if she's up against someone you just like more and everyone has to just.. Deal with it....

[trojansoldier]

also lol @ you having a mini meltdown after discovering your initial opinion was actually the wrong opinion. Why am I to blame for that??

[PDC]

Go. Die. Trogronk. DIE. :(

[trojansoldier]

Alright, so AusNTM has been blessed with the appearance of three beautiful girls of strong ethnic persuasion during the eight cycles that have aired - Atong was the first and also by far the worst of the 3. We would have to wait until Cycle 7 before production would cast another African girl with Neo and then, the pinnacle of the three would arrive in Cycle 8's Duckie.

I remember thinking before the show aired that Atong was clearly going to win. I mean, it looked like Iman vs The Mallrats in all the pre-season marketing so it just didn't seem fair on the other girls that they would cast this girl who was clearly light years ahead of them all in terms of raw potential.

I sat, eagerly watching as episode 1 aired, ready to see how any of the other girls could possibly even compare and to witness the start of the rise of Australia's Next Naomi Campbell.

45 minutes later I had changed my mind.


First, Atong was flat as three-day old coca cola. Like booooringly flat. She was one of those girls who was so low-key in terms of energy that she just gave next to nothing to any and everything she did. She acted like she was above everything and everyone and was cold and distant & clearly didn't care a great deal for this modelling shit. The one flicker of hope for her in the episode was that she turnt out a photo that everyone fanned over but I've always thought it was massively overrated in the AusNTM legacy because she looks a bit like a bird that swum into an oil spill (not a racist comment btw, merely referring to how it looks as though she is strained and wet and that the suit looks like oiled feathers so don't even try it)




Atong lasted only three episodes and so began my terrible attempts at predicting who would do well in this damn competition. In that time she took an awkward photo on a horse and refused to accept her punishment in losing a challenge where the winning girls won a romantic meal with male models but the losers had to cook and serve said meal. Atong was NOT HAVING IT because, of course, she was *clearly* already a superstar and did not want to lower herself to that level. She was cut that episode and sent back to wherever she came from. Hopefully the ticket was coach, Hers was a short, but accurate portrayal of a Naomi Campbell wannabe and that's all I have to say about Atong....






... OR IS IT? I could leave it at that if I wanted BUT I have not. In fact, I've gone to the effort of making an extra special treat for you all. Episode 1 of Cycle 1 of AusNTM was an ICONIC moment in Australian Television history and in the life of a young trojansoldier. One of the more exceptional, incredible, unbelievable, ridiculous and hilarious segments of the episode focussed solely on Atong and an accusation she had to make about the girls in the house. I have edited just that segment and present it for you here as a special bonus piece of content!

Things to look out for: Sam being Sam and Gemma showing early signs of her rise to Goddess Glory.

Here is: Atong's Accusation



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Next up: PDC cuts a girl she loves over some arbitrary factor or because the other girl was a Best & Less model or something IDK

YOU KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW PEOPLE!

[PDC]

lol *SHOCK* elim with Atong :ha

The stolen money incident is GOLDENNNNNNN <3

Also.... Gemma is a little bratty bitch and needs to back down.

[Waka]

34, 70 (Since Sasquatch unbalanced my Middle Eliminations)

[trojansoldier]

[Waka]

Jesus christ this Atong woman sounds awfully stupid.

[Waka]

Oh Shit I miscalculated and now my post is hilariously ironic about Atong

Sasquatch ruined nothing, sorry!

28 and 41

[PDC]

[PDC]

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[trojansoldier]

omg lol at the second of the Holy Trinity being nommed right after the first!!